Navigating Grief and Loss

Trauma changes everything. It doesn’t just affect a moment in time—it rewires the way we think, feel, and move through the world. And for those who experience repeated or prolonged exposure to trauma, the impact goes beyond PTSD. It seeps into every part of life, shaping identity, relationships, and self-worth.

In this deeply moving episode of the Self-Reflections Podcast, I had the honour of sitting with Sean Philander, a former Federal Agent from Perth, Western Australia, who, for the first time, shared his journey of resilience, loss, and the long-lasting impact of Complex PTSD (CPTSD).

Sean’s story is one of survival, but more than that, it is a testament to the power of healing. From years in counterterrorism and forensic investigations to battling the silent wounds of trauma, Sean takes us through his darkest moments and the light he found on the other side.

For those who have lived through trauma—or know someone who has—this episode is not just a conversation; it’s a lifeline.

Who is Sean Philander? A Career in Law Enforcement & Counterterrorism

Sean’s journey began far from law enforcement. As a teenager, he once dreamed of being a veterinarian, but a single heartbreaking moment—having to put down his dog—shifted his entire perspective.

By the time he entered university, he found himself following the crowd, initially studying IT before realizing that his true passion lay in psychology.

“At my core, I guess I’m a humanitarian. I like people.”

That love for understanding human behaviour led Sean to specialise in forensic psychology, particularly the criminal mind and behavioural profiling. It wasn’t long before he transitioned into federal law enforcement, joining the Australian Federal Police (AFP)—initially in forensics before moving into counterterrorism and de-radicalisation programs.

“I figured I could do that for a couple of years… and I ended up staying for 17.”

During his time in counterterrorism, Sean worked on some of the most high-stakes and harrowing cases, including post 9/11 operations and assignments in conflict zones. His work focused on understanding radicalisation, preventing terrorism, and investigating some of the most dangerous individuals in the world.

But what many don’t see behind the badge is the cost of prolonged exposure to trauma—the images, the stress, the constant state of high alert. And as Sean would later learn, it doesn’t just go away.

Recognising the Early Signs of PTSD: “I Thought It Was Normal”

Like many in high-pressure, trauma-exposed careers, Sean didn’t initially recognise the warning signs.

“Nightmares. That’s how it started. But I just put it down to a side effect of what we were dealing with.”

At first, he dismissed it. He rationalised that horrific crime scenes, acts of violence, and loss were all part of the job.

But over time, it became impossible to ignore. The nightmares became more vivid, more real, to the point where when he woke up, he could still feel the heat of the sun on his skin from the memory.

Other signs followed:

Hypervigilance: Feeling constantly on edge in public places.
Paranoia: Feeling threatened even in normal, everyday environments.
Sensory Triggers: The smell of smoke or the sound of a crowd could instantly transport him back to a traumatic moment.
Emotional Disconnection: Functioning in the role but losing connection to everything else—family, relationships, even himself.

“I could still function in terms of work, but I’d poured so much attention into developing that work persona that the rest of me fell away.”

The culture within law enforcement at the time only reinforced suppression. Sean described how mental health was rarely spoken about, and even when officers were sent for debriefs, they were reduced to 45-minute tick-box exercises.

“It wasn’t an honest debrief. It was just part of the process.”

The Breaking Point: “I Thought I Was Back There”

Everything changed for Sean in 2014 while he was stationed in Jakarta.

One morning, protests erupted outside his apartment. As he looked out of the window at the thousands of people in the street, something inside him snapped.

“I broke out in a sweat, cowered in the corner of my apartment, completely paralyzed. I thought I was being attacked.”

His brain couldn’t tell the difference between what was happening outside and what had happened years ago in the Solomon Islands, where he had been set upon by a mob of 200 people and nearly lost his life.

His body reacted as if he was back there—the trauma was real, even though he was safe.

Sean called for help, was flown back to Australia, and finally received the diagnosis he had avoided for years:

Complex PTSD.

“At first, I thought it meant I was broken. I thought there was no coming back from it.”

Healing PTSD: The Journey Through Therapy, EMDR & Rebuilding Identity

Healing wasn’t instant, and it wasn’t easy. Sean had to rebuild everything.

🧠 Therapy: He initially struggled to find the right therapist, but eventually connected with one who understood the law enforcement and military experience.

👁️ EMDR Therapy: One of the most intense but transformative parts of his healing journey was Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR).

“It was brutal. But it was also the turning point.”

EMDR helped Sean process his traumatic memories rather than just reliving them. Over time, his triggers lost their power, and he started to feel in control again.

🏃 Exposure Therapy: Step by step, he reintroduced himself to the world—starting with short, quiet trips to shopping centers and rebuilding his tolerance to everyday life.

💪 Physical & Mental Resilience: Exercise, breathwork, cold therapy, and a deepening spiritual practice all became part of his ongoing healing.

Key Takeaways from This Episode

✔ Trauma changes you, but it doesn’t have to define you.

✔ Healing is uncomfortable but necessary. You must go through the pain to get to the other side.

✔ Seeking help is strength, not weakness. The bravest thing you can do is admit you need support.

✔ Recovery isn’t linear. There will be setbacks, but every step forward counts.

✔ You still have one more move. No matter how hopeless it feels, there is always another way forward.

“If I can help even one person realise they’re not alone, then sharing my story is worth it.”

Resources & Support

If you or someone you know is struggling, seek out trauma-informed therapy. Our clinicians at Self Reflections are skills in all types of trauma focused therapies to help you on your journey. Click here to be taken to our online portal to book an appointment. Or if you would prefer our team to get in touch, fill out our contact form here.
Read our blog 'Understanding Trauma, PTSD and Complex PTSD'.
Practice small steps toward nervous system regulation—breathwork, mindfulness, grounding techniques. We love the Breahtly app or Smiling Mind.
Listen to other people's stories of trauma and healing on the Self Reflections Podcast. Head to YouTube , Spotify and Apple Podcasts to hear real stories and strategies.
Connect with supportive communities—healing happens when we feel seen and heard.

📌 Follow Sean & connect with him through the links below.

Instagram | Website | YouTube | Spotify

Join the Conversation

Did any part of this blog resonate with you? Have you experienced the impact of trauma or started your own healing journey? Share your reflections in the comments or reach out to us on our socials.

If you found this post helpful, share it with someone who needs to hear this message today. You are not alone.

Until next time, keep reflecting.

Warm wishes,

Klaudia Gebert

Self Reflections